A pause from our journey for much needed "girl talk"
Good Morning Sweet Friends, My heart has been heavy the past week with this desire to have a "Come to Jesus" - as we call it here in Mississippi. If you need translating that means.....we have to talk and it is truth and it may just hurt a little. So bare with me, but we must break from our journey right now to have a heart to heart.
It seems over the past few months, as I have prayed with women that I am more often than not praying over marriages......Father SAVE, RESTORE, MEND, HELP! And so often on the surface we begin to pray for God to step in and to bring this man to the realization of what he has, what he has done, what he will lose, of how he has missed God's plan or missed God completely. Let's just be honest, we point fingers and cast blame and are filled with disappointment. And it never fails that as we dig deeper, we see that we too have a part, and as much as we desire for men to understand us, the truth is that we barely understand them at all.
We fully expect him to understand that I'm fine means You have messed up big time buddy, and you better start figuring out how to redeem yourself quickly or your sleeping with the dogs tonight. Yet, we miss completely that the three words, Are we lost? speaks just as deeply to his heart........You are inadequate. I can't trust you. You don't protect me.
I purchased a book titled, For Women Only and even bought the CD set a few years ago from Family Life at an event they sponsored. A breakthrough book for me, and it has been on my heart as I prayed over many marriages these past few weeks. I think it is a book that every woman should read whether you are married or single. A way to set real expectations and to understand that even when you have no idea, you could be chiseling away his entire identity. According to For Women Only, men as a majority would rather feel unloved than inadequate or disrespected. Just as your love for a man can be eroded with his words that are unkind and piercing or by him neglecting your need for affection or love, so can your words of disrespect or lack of desire for him intimately erode his bond to you. He needs it. It matters, and we should care.
Sweet friends, I have raised children alone for almost 7 years, so please take it from a heart that can say it is not easier on the other side and it is certainly not a desire for any child to have to pack and unpack their things every other weekend. We must fight for families, and we must do our part. Not families that simply exist, but families that are worth replicating. I so believe the answer lies within the prayer of St. Francis, may we seek to understand than to be understood for the sake of marriage and family.
I remember reading this book and how it rewired my understanding of men......I didn't understand that our desire for our husbands spoke more than intimacy, but rather provided a source of confidence and well being into his soul. I didn't understand that our desire to be successful chipped away at his nature to provide, and that regardless of how well we do in our careers and how proud he may be, the burden remains upon him. Insecurities arise when he can't provide. He needs to feel like the man! And we should want him too! I didn't realize that regardless of how often he says, I love you just the way you are that it does something to his soul to know that our desire is to look good for him.
Sweet friends, I hope you will for the sake of marriage and family, seek to understand your role in building up and edifying the one that God has gifted into your life or will gift. He says be thankful in all circumstances and the peace that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind, so today, may we choose not to cast blame, but to be Jesus in our homes.....to understand and to release pride and be able to humbly say, I'm sorry. I missed my vow to love, honor and cherish.
I encourage you to buy this book from Family Life to support a ministry that seeks to encourage and equip families to do Marriage well. I believe you can click the link below to purchase the book, and might I also recommend while you are there The Sacred Marriage: What if marriage was designed to make you holy, not make you happy. There should be joy in marriage absolutely, but if you can see it as the most sacrificial way to be like Jesus loving another unconditionally, wholly and holy then it changes expectations and certainly changes the result.
Would you be so bold to print this prayer, and grab his hand and humbly hit your knees together in prayer this night. Even let him lead........
We ask that you step into our homes. We invite you in. We welcome you and honor your presence here. We pray that our family and our marriage are renewed and revived this very day. We come together to say that we have tried without you, and we have failed, so now we hand it over: our marriage, our home, and our family is yours. Mold it as You desire, Father. Let our family be a testament to your redeeming power. Let our family be a testament to your Grace. Let our family be worth replicating. Let our hearts be filled with desire to understand rather than to be always understood. Give us compassion for the needs of each other, and give us fortitude to stand when it seems easier to walk away. Let your love fall so heavy upon our home that when others visit they are touched by your presence here. We love you. We thank you. We praise you. We give you all glory and honor. May we grow in love with each other more every single day for the rest of our lives. And may You be the center of it all.
In the name of Jesus, Amen.
My blessings upon each of you and your families. And for those waiting on Boaz, may your patient endurance blossom the man of God that is designed just for you.
In His Wings, Ro